


white noise

by oofen_flugen



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Ash Lynx Needs A Hug, Drabble, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Okumura Eiji Needs a Hug, absolutely - Freeform, but does eiji's mental health need to be talked about more?, character study?? kinda, is this just me projecting onto eiji?, so i will happily oblige, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28782882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oofen_flugen/pseuds/oofen_flugen
Summary: Just a short drabble of Eiji alone in the condo waiting for Ash to get back
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 2
Kudos: 66





	white noise

The air conditioner was the first thing he noticed. It was silly, really. Of all the things in this godforsaken condo, of all the things he knew about through hushed conversations and blood-stained shirts, of all of it, he heard the fucking air conditioner. 

Maybe it was supposed to be rhythmic- it seemed to be in time after all. A white noise that Eiji would never fully comprehend. Why did they call it white noise? White was cleansing. It was the absence of or completion. Whatever it was, it wasn’t this noise. 

He learned that New York never slept. Eiji learned that New York was filled with naive dreamers and broken expectations with neon signs cast on them. ‘The place makes the person,’ he supposed, twisting his fingers mindlessly in his lap. 

Eiji tried to stay optimistic, he really did, but the more he waited the more he saw. There was a piece of paper was crumpled on the kitchen counter. One of the plants that Ash bought the first day they lived here, had shed a few leaves that landed pitifully on the tiles. The bed wasn’t made. Ash never made his. He didn’t wake up early enough for it to have any worth. 

Eiji liked when the condo was spotless. Alex, Kong, and Bones stopped by occasionally. They never took their shoes off. Eiji would sweep the floors and then do it again and hope that the clock would move faster. Whenever Ash’s gang came, Ash went. 

There were days Ash forgot to say goodbye. Eiji hoped he just forgot. He didn’t know if he could handle the alternative.

It’s ironic, really. Nights like this- lonely and untreated silence, and restless thoughts- were the reason Eiji came to America in the first place. After his incident, he had been bedridden for so long. His sister would strut in and turn on the TV, commenting on the show until Eiji stopped replying, and she slinked back to her bedroom. Nights like this led him here. Maybe these same nights would have the decency to leave him alone. 

The air conditioner shut off, and  _ god's _ silence was worse somehow. Everything felt sterile. Somehow when the silence spread and caressed the walls of the condo, the movement started. The curtains swayed back and forth and, each time they hit each other, the billows of fabric recoiled before starting again. Eiji fought the urge to rip them down entirely. The door would rattle and, Eiji would turn his head fast enough that his neck screamed at the motion while his vision swam for a second. Then it would stop, and he would question again if he imagined it. 

Ash hid three guns in the condo. All of them were discreet. Eiji was the only one who knew their locations. 

Eiji avoided those parts of the apartment.

He didn’t know what time it was. It didn’t matter anyway. Ash would come home eventually (because Eiji didn’t know what he would do if he didn’t) and belittle him for staying up so late. They would both forget in the morning. Except Eiji didn’t forget. He wondered if Ash did. Somewhere in his mind, he must remember, right? There were days when Ash was so detached that Eiji couldn’t tell. Scars and new wounds would line Ash’s arms, and Eiji did his best to wrap them. 

And then there were the days Ash beamed at him and knocked his shoulder playfully. He would pout and be as dramatic as possible. There were days when Ash would share stories of Griffin and teach Eiji new English phrases and smile whenever Eiji used them conversationally. There were days when dirty dishes lined the counters, and Eiji would huff at failed attempts to make American food. Ash ate them all anyway.

‘It’s still better than natto.’

It was nights like these that made Eiji want to rip the condo apart. He hoped that Golzine would see his outburst and be scared and call off his dogs. He hoped that each broken plate and cracked piece of furniture would magically cleanse the rotten money that bought them. He hoped that Ash would walk in and join him, and they would run hand in hand laughing and everything would be fine. 

But nights like this were never fine. 

Even when Ash came home, he would collapse a few minutes later. Eiji couldn’t help but wince at the dark circles under his eyes. If only the mirror didn’t show the same thing. It didn’t stop Eiji from staying up another hour to make sure Ash didn’t have nightmares that he could stop then and there. To make sure Ash didn’t leave. 

He would fall asleep and still wake up when the sun rose and cook breakfast. Half of it was often left behind and stored in the fridge. 

Ash once asked how Eiji could stay up so late and still rise with the sun. He had replied then with something about his normal sleep schedule and making sure a certain American got up eventually. 

There was only so much cleaning he could do before his brain screamed at him to lay down. There was only so much stillness he could do before his foot tapped anxiously. There was only so much anxiety before his thoughts raced.

That half-awake state became his sunlight hours. Every time he would slip away, an image of Ash running with bullets on his tail would pop in his brain, and Eiji would check the apartment to make sure Ash hadn’t come home and watch the door. 

Eiji didn’t know what time it was. He didn’t care enough to check. He doubted it would process. 

The air conditioner started and stopped three more times before Ash pushed open the door and ran his hand through his hair. Eiji sat up and gave a soft smile, raising his arms for permission before wrapping Ash in a hug. 

Ash’s shoulders would relax, and he would bury his head in Eiji’s shoulder, and his lips would part in a messy smile with strands of hair dangling in his face. 

And all Eiji could think was that it was worth it. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!


End file.
